Monday, November 15, 2010

Save a nation, Do not take sex advice from dancehall!

Terms not to be associated with my Vagina!

Dancehall music is a colourful art form, wouldn't you say? Listening to dancehall as avidly as I do eventually you move beyond the beat and find yourself noticing the words. It is at this point that fear and trepidation set in. "Kartel neva jus seh dat" "No Busy, mercy said no" "Is my vagina yuh talking about though, I'm just saying"
So i have compiled a list, an introductory and minimal list of terms not to be associated with my vagina.

1. 'Shub it een'- What you shubbing? Why? Where? With whose consent? Shub is a term my daddy used when he was fixing something or doing house cleaning and he needed somewhere to store things. I am not a storage closet so yea, we not shubbing anything.

2. 'Spread out yuh foot like police a search yuh'- Why? Afta mia nuh drug mule. Yuh lose something inside there? I doubt it.

3. 'Rape fuck'- Noooooooooooooooooooooooooo! And I don't think I need to explain why.

4. 'Batta bruise, blue and black up'- Domestic violence is a crime. You should be persecuted and locked away for that.

5. 'Stab up'- Really though? Stab up? You stab meat to stuff it with seasoning. You stab people to kill them #thatisall

6. 'Feel period pain'- I am real tyrant on my period, yuh really waan experience that?!?

7. 'Buss a clappers'- This is a body part not asphalt outta road. Steupse.

8. 'Fucking you mek me see pepperlight'- if you are seeing white lights while you are inside me it means you are transitioning to the other side, in which case get the rass of me cause I won't be responsible.

9. 'Mek me use mi blackberry tek a snapshot'- Sex tapes not allowed.

10.'Force up'- Why are we forcing things? I want to live to tell the tale.

11.'if yuh pussy lucky mi will get back mi visa'- My pussy caan solve dem deh global problem deh, get a good lawyer.

12.'Beat it up'- My vagina is an abuse free zone. It has never done anything wrong and therefore needs no beating.

13.'Jackhammer'- Yuh know what they use jackhammers to do... DRILL CONCRETE!

14.'yuh get a vision'- Try nuh get nuh vision please. I see these things on LAW and ORDER: SVU and Criminal Minds. Visions are a very bad sign.

15.'Nine months yuh get baby'- No unplanned pregnancies.

I realise that some hapless, clueless, brainless males and females are lost under the illusion that these are appropriate sexual terms. Save a nation, Do not take sex advice from dancehall!

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