Thursday, March 17, 2011

St. Paddy's Day a weh yuh really feel like

Hey you St. Patrick
No not there...stop looking at the white man with the fake irish accent...over hear at the black girl speaking Jamaican.
A weh yuh really feel like? A weh yuh a try?
So its my first St. Paddy's Day in a foreign land and being that I am in the multi-cultural capital of the world one would expect this to be an even more magical experience.They say the Irish and Jamaicans make the best of friends because we both drink like fishes but I declare that no Irish man in a pub with Rover or Mc something in the name will destroy St. Paddy's day like the people I love.
Bars, Pubs, Supermarkets, Gas Stations and Shops(real Jamaican shop) are stocking up triple fold not because of this auspicious occasion but because of fren dem..owners are telling bartenders to put fi dem ting aside them a count di beer bokkle dem, the white rum bokkle dem, di appleton bokkle dem cause dem a come and not a drop will be spared.
Mr St. Patrick I would like to thank you for being the excuse on this occasion to get drunk and take no prisoners. You're a good man. a god really.
But one of us is like a 1000 drinkers so some ppl mighta vex wid yuh
but we love
go forth and conquer my friends. I will do my part from here

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Howling at the moon...but I'm a vampire

I'm not the most sound sleeper on the planet and at the moment I have no curtains.
Anyways I sleep in spurts of roughly half an hour each so I am always slightly awake.
Last night I had one of my rollover awake moments and opened my eyes to witness the boldest moon I have seen in years.
It wasn't full- but it was almost full and round and bright and the blue of the sky around it. This moon was special.
So special I felt the urge to howl. And I am not joking like my mouth started to form the howl lips that you see in the movies. I got up and walked to the window to get a closer and better look at the moon.
Teneile what are you doing?
And as I took the suddenly very slow walk back to my bed frequently looking back at the moon the howl was rising up inside me.
In trying to go back to sleep but I feel the moon call me
I had to form a cocoon and clear my brain to forget about the moon and hold back the howl.
Does this mean werewolves are real and I'm not really a vampire because it would really suck to know I'm living a lie.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

The misconception that is mind-blowing sex

Mind blowing sex...does not a relationship make. Its a painful reality but its true. We wish it did but it doesn't. Sometimes in life we find ourselves at the end of the first encounter in the darkest crevices of he or she whose last name we haven't imprinted in our memory banks yet.

We thrash about... we sweat... we do it. And of course amidst the post sex panting you have decided you just had the best sex ever.

Harsh reality- sex is not hard to have because of this good sex easily becomes muddled with love and emotion. I've been in the relationship where if not for the sex we might as well have been strangers. Which brings me to another harsh reality...

There are people in this world who will find your G-spot...your special zone or mark or place that makes fireworks go off and mi nuh mean Katy Perry Fireworks mi mean "neighbours know yuh name' and how fi spell it fireworks. Why? Sex is a technical act...some master the technique and most g-spots and pleasure zones are in the same general vicinity...buck ups is a ten.

If the primary reason you find yourself in that person's presence a second time is for the sex..chances are it won't end well...more importantly it is not a relationship.

If you're confusing mind-blowing sex with means you may have a conflicting definition of love.

Here is when I think mind-blowing sex should be muddled with love...

Its the kind of sex you have where in the middle of it and you happen to be listening to a CD..the other person stops and "pull up" di song and you don't skip a beat. It doesn't phase you or stop you or offend you. It makes you want more.

Its the kind of sex when you're scared to mess up and without saying it...they realise and even if you do say it...they don't care.

Its the sex you're willing to turn down sex for. And if you don't turn down that secondary sex. its the dissatisfaction you feel when it wasn't what you expected.

Its the bad sex with the right person because you know that neither of you are actually bad at sex you're just having an off day and that's okay. Having that thought about sex is mind-blowing.

Doing things to please your partner that you spoke ill of in public will blow your mind.

If you're not having these experiences or an experience that can be equated to any of these you are not having mind blowing sex...what you are doing is called a fun way to burn lots of calories...which isn't a bad thing but please don't call it love it makes you look stupid

Ping Responsibly(N.B to blackberry buffoons)

I'm not even mincing words...

(1) if you haven't seen me naked DON'T ping me before 8am
(2) if you have not contributed to my financial well being DON'T ping me before 8am.
(3) if I didn't take the time out of my life to give you a nickname DON'T ping me before 8am.
(4) if without a blackberry we would otherwise not communicate DON'T ping me before 8am.
(5) if you are a blood relative and the family is NOT under siege DON'T ping me before 8am
(6) if I have never had the audacity to ping YOU before 8am DON'T fool yourself and think you can do it to me.

Really the point I am trying to make is I don't care if you are up at 6am to beat the traffic to work turn on the radio..the hire people to cope with those things. they get paid to be your company at 8am.

And don't send me a broadcast message before 8am. i WILL delete you and then your feelings will be hurt and we don't need all that emotion.

Use the bb wisely, its not less annoying than the phone ringing yuh nuh. Its more annoying because in real emergencies people CALL. so when you hear that ping you know is fuckery. And you are forced to ask yourself "why is this person on my bb?" and then you look even closer at the name and the message and go "what false sense of comfort has this person lulled into why they think they can get away with a 6am ping?"

Oh and if I reach the point of deleting you it probably means I will reach the point of ignoring all future requests as well. the DELETE will be final.
And if you read this blog and go but wait I pinged her before 8am...yes YOU gave birth to this blog.

Actually I'm thinking to start the petition for the blackberry license but that's a whole other blog. til then
Ping responsibly