Friday, May 13, 2011

Cowfoot Macka? Mercy said no...

Dancehall has reached its lyrical plateau. The artistes have clearly peaked and we the fans are paying a heavy price. Its the vivid images that dancehall can paint in your mind with a jackhammer and the eye of a needle that makes this art form brilliant. *Southern Baptist Preacher’s Voice* But when we reach a place in the music when we can conceive of comparing the BEST of a man to a cowfoot there is something seriously wrong with the way our minds work.
I understand that length, girth, height, width, breadth and the size of a man are national treasures and we live to encounter the “anaconda weh longa” but nuttin nuh wrong if yuh guh to yuh fren and cal it di same ting weh she call it. Maybe this is the real problem. We all want our man penis to feel unique and special so David have di anaconda and Richard have the python and Toni own is like a leopard- agile and graceful. But we have to tek time wid these things. Has Macka really stopped to tek a good look on a cowfoot? Has she considered the ramifications of a man walking up to some poor unsuspecting lass and saying “baby, a me have di cowfoot we yuh need yuh nuh”? And what she muss respond wid? “A me have di broad bean wid di gravy”?

And please note that she took the time to differentiate between chicken foot, goat foot and her beloved cow foot. This song did not stop to consider the large section of the population that has no interest in cowfoot pon dem dinner table much less inna dem bed. And as was pointed out ‘cow foot walk inna dodo’ and she uses this to compliment the BEST part of a man. And don’t worry people there is a dance and an event because this a phenomenon, a multi-tiered business plan, the next wave in musical enjoyment. We are bringing the awesomeness of the cow foot to the fore. This is music in the key of foolywang.
Yuh know what dancehall needs? A voice of reason. Someone with human or extra-terrestrial it really does not matter at this point to vet these songs before sending them out into the public domain. The people demanding it now because this is beyond ridiculous.

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